Looking back on the body of work I put up on deviantArt over the years with a fresh look, a few points became true to me:
-I am essentially a cartoonist:
I draw cartoony characters much better than I can draw realism. Of course, I don't use references as much as others when doing realistic people but my jumping back and forth between simplistic cartoons and more complicated realistic characters has limited my growth in the "realistic" spectrum. I'm not going to abandon trying to improve, but I can see there is a clear-cut difference between both aims, and the popularity of most pieces I have on deviantArt tend to reflect that.
-My eyes are screwed up:
About the realism bit, my eyes, as I draw, have a harder time to notice errors and alignment errors, especially when the features are more complex. This leads to wonky-looking realistic pieces which I often don't even notice many weeks after finishing the piece : my eyes compensate for the mistakes. Gonna have to start flipping images more often and use more guidelines if I want to keep this up. Maybe I rub my eyes too often.
-I'm a lone wolf (a.k.a. socially inept at making solid connections):
Yeah. Always have, be it in real life or online. I don't go towards people (afraid to bother them or to appear creepy), I don't stay in touch regularly, I follow friends to do some activities, but not all the time until invitations stop coming in. I've been in touch with talented artists even on deviantArt, but over the years communications stopped being traded, never taking steps forward to solidify them, probably for a lack of knowing how or just pure laziness on my part. Nowadays I find it even harder now that people don't gather on room chats, and I've never been a strong user of forums. I realize being part of a community is extremely helpful on being motivated but I can't find that platform to interact with those I feel I want to exchange with. Always have been and seemingly always will be the lone wolf.
-I'm at a level where I reached what I initially aimed for:
A long time ago what I really wanted was to be an artist who could draw complex-yet simplified/cartoony characters within realistic settings, using convincing angles to make those characters feel more like they exist within the world rather than floating on it. Looking back on this, and with the help of this year's "Inktober" event, I realize now that, whatever I was waiting for before moving on...well, it's here now. Do I still have the motivation though? That's another subject. Life's ironic like that.
-What does this mean for the future:
Nothing. I mean, I don't have clear plans. I'm doing storyboards for video games I never believed I'd be able to work on in my life. I'm at a comfortable position financially and getting neat highlights in my career. Creatively though it is understandably lacking. I do miss doing comics for fun (unmotivated;always tired;no story I want to draw). I'd love to make my own video game too as it's a passion that rivals and often wins over art; maybe do a few short animated films along the way. Doing the 8-hours-a-day-for-the-man through many different jobs over the past 15 years or so, while an acceptable lifestyle, starts to feel like a repetitive pattern that doesn't fulfill some higher needs I yearn for. I'm sticking to this job for the time being, and hopefully someday I'll get the energy/motivation/mindset/kick in the pants to work on a fulfilling side-project. I think only then I'll be able to choose a path in full confidence. I'm a Capricorn= slow and steady upwards without taking unnecessary risks, building a solid foundation along the way. Except it feels more like I'm alone floating on a flimsy raft on the ocean sometimes XD
Right now though things remain blurry like it has for the past few years since the terminal insomnia began and I'm somehow trying to get on top of it, a certain foothold that will let me focus more clearly. Wish me luck!